ARMAGEDDON ‘WILL HAPPEN IN NEW YORK’ SAY MUSLIMS

Muslim clerics, fed up with American evangelists going on about how armageddon is near and will be fought in the middle-east, have brought out their own, official, version of the end of the world. ‘It will happen in America’, a muslim spokesperson said.

‘An earthquake in San Francisco will coincide with a major war being fought in Manhattan, thus causing America to ‘break in half”.

American evangelists hit back today saying ‘fact: there is no war going on, or imminent, in New York at the moment. Fact: nearly all the countries of the middle-east are either at war with each other or fighting themselves’.

Here is a handy calendar detailing the dates of the run-up to armageddon, with feast days and holidays.